Selfishness or joy?

Today was one of those days. 

I woke up early for an errand and felt surprisingly well rested. However, I cannot say the same for Miss J. I let her sleep as long as possible, but that was likely the wrong choice because it meant getting her diaper changed first thing. She greeted me good morning with a look of betrayal and a multitude of tears. 

After the rocky start, Miss J relaxed when I held her in my arms- her happy place. For the rest of the day, she refused to be satisfied anywhere other than that place of comfort. So much for my plans for the day; I am being held hostage by a 9-month-old.

Thankfully, she at least let me put her in her stroller for our jog.

Yay for the green grass along the way and that fresh cut smell! Little joys. Unfortunately this is a little joy that also result in sneezing and itchy eyes.

It is days like today that make me see that, before I became a Momma, I was so selfish

Before I was a Momma, I spent my days doing whatever I wanted. Now, my little one dictates most of my day. 

Before I was a Momma, I put off doing laundry. Now, I get frustrated because Miss J makes me stop folding the laundry to nurse her.

Before I was a Momma, I loved checking tasks off my to-do list. Now, Miss J rarely allows me to complete a task without needing my attention.

Before I was a Momma, friends and family spoke so highly of my patience. Now, I wonder so often what on Earth they were talking about.

When God blessed me with the gift of motherhood, he also blessed me with some unexpected joys. He blessed so many opportunities to lay down my own selfish desires– opportunities to focus on my sweet child instead of myself. 

In the moment, I struggle to see it that way. I throw my hands up with frustration that I only got one shirt folded before Miss J grabbed onto my leg, crying “ma ma ma ma ma…” 

Thankfully, though, that moment of frustration is really a cause for joy.

It is an opportunity to shed my selfishness. It is an opportunity to follow Christ’s command to deny myself. It is an opportunity to love. 

Today was one of those days. For this reason, my heart is full of joy.

Until next time…Look for the joy in your pandemonium!

P.S. Yes, I have posted 3 days in a row. Yes,my first post suggested that it would be unlikely that I would post with any regularity. I sick to my original statement! I have just been lucky to have the time, motivation, energy, and ideas 3 days in a row. 🍀 Who knows? Maybe I will be consistent!

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